Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
