my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
