I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
