marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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