New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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