I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize