rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
