The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
