i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
