Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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