funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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