Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
false alarm, still single
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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