we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
