So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize