Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
