So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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