Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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