Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He better not be in your backpack
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
