Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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