how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
