Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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