Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
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