You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
