Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
