you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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