Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
