He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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