we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
