not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
