he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
