i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
