plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
