she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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