I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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