I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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