went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
