As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
