So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
