I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
