You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
