I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
can u get pink eye on your cock?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Randomize
