She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
