So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
