I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
