everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i think i have two assholes
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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