maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize