all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
