Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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