I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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