i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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