a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
