I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
