Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
