I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My breasts were aching with rage.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
