You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Your penis caused this!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
