called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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