I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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