Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
