We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
