I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
