i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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