one might say we're banned from that church
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
