I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
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