Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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