I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
