This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
