we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
