I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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