i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
