I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
