We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
