I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
