i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
