WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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