I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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