we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
