My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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