My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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