Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just tell him i said nine months
Need sex. Gaining weight.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
