I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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