I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
