If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
whose parrot is this?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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