I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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