Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
