You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
