A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
