My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she told me i tasted like america
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
