you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
