Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
