so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
