my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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