I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
