I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
