So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
