I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
