Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I don't deserve a penis
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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