She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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