you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
