U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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