16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
