She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
