I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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