she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
