All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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